As I wrote the title, a thought came to mind. "Can it be overcome?" It will always hurt and it will always be there in some way, but it does get easier. I would like to share my personal story, so you see it can be done. Even though it may not feel that way for a while.
My story begins when I found out I was pregnant. I was 18 and it was not planned but I loved my child from the moment I knew it was growing inside me.
My boyfriend and I were scared but happy and planned for the future.
My pregnancy was actually easy. Which now I think might have been a red flag. I had no nausea, no problems. The doctors were a little concerned that I was loosing weight instead of gaining it. At 12 weeks, they tried to hear the heartbeat. There wasn't one. Then the doctors said. "It's OK, come back next week and we will check again" but that weekend I was in the ER with the most horrible pain. I was in the waiting room for 3 hours.I was then taken up to the exam room. There they had me sign all the paperwork, which included a sheet that asked what I would like to do with the remains. It had two choices: toss or turn them into me. Of course I wanted them.
Later that day told me that there was something wrong with my insurance that I have to leave right away. listen no state to be out of the hospital, but they refused to help.
The next day I went to a different hospital which someone referred me to. When I arrived the nurses tended to me right away , I told them about my insurance issue and they said it didn't matter. I needed medical care and they were going to take care of me. After hours of waiting for the miscarriage to 'pass' I had a D&C done. There I was informed that the remains were no longer there. I must have passed them at the other hospital. I was devastated I didn't know where my baby was.
I needed to know what happened so I went to the first hospital and explained my situation. It was then when my heart broke for the second time. They had the remains, but not anymore. They send them to the lab and "tossed them".....
During this whole time, I was mad! At God. For doing this to me. What did I do to deserve this? I wanted answers and most of all I needed closure. I asked a local priest if he could tell me where my baby was. I really needed to hear he/she was OK. Instead I heard " well I'm sorry but you didn't baptize the child so he is not in Heaven. He is not with God. My response to this was "well then where? " The priest then said " unfortunately he will be in limbo"
How could my only hope be shattered?
I went a couple of years crying and praying for this not to be true. My boyfriend, now fiance at the time, wanted to try again but I couldn't get over the fear. Coincidentally we found a new church and they answered all my questions. And backed it up with scripture. How could a loving God not accept an innocent child into His Glory, when Jesus himself says that Heaven is made for children ? That just made sense. That is the God I wanted to love and Worship.
It took about 3 years for me to try again and it was successful. Too many tears were spilled because of misinformation and obstacles. But in the end I know my baby is in Heaven with my Lord and I could ask for a safer place.
Whether this is resent to you or years have passed, I don't think it's right for you to not know the truth. And know that the heart does heal. You will get through this. Talk about it, pray about it. Ask questions. But trust that God is in all things and He is with you every step of the way.
No comments:
Post a Comment